Why Calm Is a Skill — Not a Personality Trait

by Julie Davis, Founder of Coravie

Calm Isn’t Just for “Naturally Chill” People

For most of my life, I believed calm people were just born that way.
They didn’t yell when traffic was bad, they didn’t panic when things fell apart — they just had it together.

Meanwhile, I’d be running late, juggling work, kids, and a growing mental list of everything I hadn’t done yet — and thinking, why can’t I just be more calm?

But over time (and after digging into research and real-life experience), I learned something powerful:
Calm isn’t a personality trait. It’s a skill — and like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened.

The Science Behind Calm

Studies in neuroscience and psychology have shown that calm comes from how our brain responds to stress, not from who we are as people.

• According to research by Dr. Richard Davidson at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, emotional balance comes from stronger connections between the prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain that manages decisions) and the amygdala (the part that reacts to stress).
  → In simple terms, calm people aren’t born with special wiring — they’ve trained their brain to pause before reacting.

• Dr. Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, found that people who practice mindfulness and reflection build “emotional regulation” — the ability to feel a strong emotion without letting it control what they do next.

• And research by Dr. Judson Brewer at Brown University shows that learning to notice your stress triggers with curiosity, not judgment, actually reduces anxiety over time.

These scientists all say the same thing in different ways:

Calm comes from practice, not personality.

How Calm Is Built — One Practice at a Time

Once I started looking at calm like a skill, not a flaw I lacked, everything changed.
I stopped trying to be a calm person and started practicing what calm people do.

Here’s what helped me — and what science supports:

1️⃣ Breathing with purpose.
Studies show slow, deep breathing lowers heart rate and tells the brain you’re safe.
(It’s not just a wellness cliché — it’s actual biology.)

2️⃣ Naming emotions instead of fighting them.
According to Dr. Matthew Lieberman at UCLA, labeling feelings like “I’m stressed” or “I’m overwhelmed” activates the thinking part of your brain and quiets the emotional center.

3️⃣ Creating calm through habits.
When your day has structure — small routines that ground you — your brain spends less energy on decisions.
That’s why even simple habits like morning journaling or setting up a calm space at home can make a huge difference.

4️⃣ Letting go of perfection.
Calm doesn’t mean quiet. It means being steady, even when life is noisy.

What Calm Really Means

Being calm isn’t about never feeling anxious, frustrated, or tired.
It’s about having the tools to steady yourself when you feel those things.

And the best part?
You don’t have to change your personality to do it.
You just have to practice — one small moment, one choice, one breath at a time.

At Coravie

We believe calm is built through small, intentional habits — not forced perfection.
Our tools, challenges, and courses help women practice calm daily — so it becomes who they are, not something they chase.

References

• Davidson, R. J., & McEwen, B. S. (2012). Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being. Nature Neuroscience.

• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books.

• Brewer, J. A. et al. (2018). Mindfulness training for stress and anxiety: Mechanisms and outcomes. Current Psychiatry Reports.

• Lieberman, M. D. et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity. Psychological Science.